Dear Diary
by Forest Girl Kaz
Summary: Follow the daily lives of some of Hyrule's most popular characters.
1. Day 1

Author's note: This is something I thought I'd try…so here goes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, obviously.

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Dear Diary

Link came over earlier, I swear to the Goddesses he only comes for the castle food, what did we have today? Oh yes, roasted octorok with chu chu sauce. Impa was not amused when Link slurped his entire dish down in a few mouthfuls, the sauce splattered everywhere and since the cleaner is on a 'much needed' holiday, we've had to cope by ourselves. Father insists we should all eat over the sink to stop any mess but that's not very princess-like is it? Anyway, Link just saw me writing in you, I hope he's not going to try to take a peek, I wrote some rather nasty things about his constant flirting with Malon…and any other girl that flutters her eye lashes at him, that's probably just my overreacting though, not like he's mine anyway. Sigh, life bites.

Much love, Zelda. XxXx

Dear Diary

I saw Zelda writing in one of these things so I had to get one for myself, I picked one up for Saria too, she can use it to bash Mido over the head with if nothing else. I'm writing this on Epona since Zelda chucked me out of the castle for eating all of her lunch, so excuse me if some of the handwriting is a little messy -skhjcd whoops, heh, I blame my left handedness. Haven't been stalked by my fan club today, a club that consists of Ruto and uh…yeah, that's about it. She must be off cleaning her scales or falling off a cliff, either one works for me. Better stop now.

Write more later, Link.

Dear Diary

Link bought me this so I guess I should use it, being one of the only Kokiri able to read and write. At least I don't have to worry about them reading it, especially Mido. Speaking of that argghh, he tried to kiss me for the millionth time the other day, we were by the pond, no, correction, I was by the pond and he decided to follow me there. He tried it on but I stepped aside and he went flying in, there was much laughing on my side. Shame he had to come up from the water at all, yes most people think I'm a sweet innocent girl and I am, to an extent. I should tell Mido the Deku Tree told him he can leave the forest, he's so in love with me he'll believe me and then I'll never see him again. Hahaha! Sorry, got a bit carried away there. I'm going to head up to the temple and play my song some more, it keeps me sane.

Love and deku seeds, Saria.

Dear Diary

Why in all of Hyrule do we write 'dear diary'? Why not Dear the amazing Princess Ruto? I could use some more fan mail, I've only ever received one and it said 'Ruto, I'd love it if you drowned in Lake Hylia'. Obviously that was code for 'Ruto, I'd love it if we had a romantic moonlit swim in Lake Hylia'. Ah well, whoever that fine person was never left their details, so alas, our love will never be! My heart already belongs to someone anyway, my darling Link. He took me bowling last week, well ok….he went and I sneakily followed, it was the best date of my life. Have to go for now, Father wants a back rub…yuck.

Disgustedly, Ruto.

Dear Diary

I got up at exactly 5AM to feed the cuccos, clean out the stables, make the breakfast, hang out the washing, sing to the horses, fix the hole in the barn roof and get dad out of bed. By the time I was done it was 5:30AM! My, that took me way too long, I need to practice my time keeping harder! After dad left to deliver the milk and Mr. Ingo grumbled about everything, I went outside to hold a tea party with the animals. I dressed the horses in pink dresses and the cuccos in pretty white bonnets! We sang and danced and ate grass all day! I must go clean up now.

Many moos, Malon.

Dear thingie with pages in

An awful thing happened today, I ate a fellow Goron thinking he was a rock, luckily no one has noticed so I might get away with my crime. I sat in the throne room most of the day bored out of my mind as usual. Later, I stood by the tunnel that leads to the forest, I do love listening to Saria's song, although lately it's been sounding a lot more deranged, I hope she's ok. Not much more to say right now. I'll write more soon, if they don't hunt me down and serve me for dessert for what I did...gulp.

Rock on, Darunia

Dear Diary

Zelda has been testing my patience all day. Inviting Link over just so he could eat all our food, not cleaning her room and refusing to take her vitamins. I told her, if she didn't she wouldn't grow big and strong. She countered by saying she didn't want to end up like me with hairs on her chest, that girl doesn't appreciate me, one day I'll pack up and leave!

Impa

Diary!

Yo! Nabooru here, spent the whole day chilling in the Haunted Wasteland. Some poe tried to steal my pants yet again, they claim they need them to make a parachute, I shook my fist in anger before running for my life. It's been kinda boring around here without Pinocinose skulking about, I miss the big doof, but not too much. I'll get one of these things sent to him in that void, he'll enjoy that.

See ya later, Nabooru

Dear diary my only friend in the world.

Today was boring, again. Floated around in thin air for hours on end. I thought I saw a tiny speck of something but realised it was just my eyes teasing me…I hate my life.

Ganondorf.


	2. Day 2

A/N: o.o Wow I didn't think so many people would like this, thanks to all who reviewed!

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Dear Diary

Zel here again. Today was worse than yesterday. Impa and I had to take a trip into the market, now being the princess and all that jazz I have to disguise myself so I don't get hounded by crazed fans, insane serial killers and Ruto nagging me about where Link is, not like I'd know, I'm not his girlfriend…yet. Anywho, Impa made me wear this tatty old peasant dress, after an hour of arguing with her, I said "stuff this", threw off the dress, put on my usual clothes, grabbed a few 1000 rupees and ran into the market screaming "If you want to mug me now's your chance. Add some excitement to my life!" Of course, they all looked at me like I'd just grown another head. I'll fill you in on the rest later, Impa's coming and she looks really mad.

In a hurry, Zelda!

Dear Diary

I decided to go spend some time in the shooting gallery today. After paying for a turn I was sure I saw Ruto hovering outside the door, in a dress? That girl gives me the creeps, that seductive smile she always pulls out on me, looks more like she's about to devour me whole. When I left I noticed Zelda standing with her arms in the air screaming for someone to mug her, I don't know…makes me think she wants trouble. I bet she rigged the whole 'Ganondorf stealing the Triforce' thing just to entertain herself for a few years. Got a real giggle out of that didn't she? 'Ganondorf is destroying Hyrule, but at least I'm not bored anymore. Hehehe!' Oh well, I have to keep her sweet, the castle has great food. Off to the potion shop now, I hope Ruto isn't 'conveniently' there.

Anxiously, Link.

Dear Diary

I woke up with a deku scrub on my face this morning. Obviously, I screamed, shoving the thing off I realised I had fallen asleep in the Sacred Forest Meadow, wow that's a mouthful to write. Not in the mood to go back to the village and be harassed by Mido offering to clean my house, paint it or whatever other suffocating ideas he has under his hat, I went for a wander through the woods. I know this place like the back of my hand so it's no big deal. (looks at back of hand) Hey that mark is new..…what was I saying? Oh yes, I know this place like the back of my hand! Walking along the maze of trees, I came to a stone entrance, I knew it led to Goron City but had never dared try my luck going through. Meh, my life isn't going to get any better soon, if I die they'll get a new Sage easily enough, that blonde girl with the bunches has been giving me death glares like she wanted to be it so there you go. Taking a breath, I entered….and found nothing happened! Must be this Sage powers thing, it really does pay off after all. Taking out my ocarina I began to play my song, the Gorons began to dance along, some were doing really odd disco moves. After playing for a full half hour, where do I get the breath? They asked me to be their queen since they discovered Darunia ate one of them. As fun as that would be I declined, Darunia is a good guy and besides, I don't want to be eaten too!

Taking a nap now, Saria.

Dear Diary

As I sit writing this entry on the cold stone floor with a sharp jagged rock, which I know if I accidentally stabbed myself to death with it no one here would care! I can't help smiling at my day. Ok it started out badly, Lord Jabu Jabu ate my proper diary…ugh…I didn't feel like going in there to get it. Last time I went in there I saw cows in the walls, yes cows, in the walls! Returning to my room, I brought out my only dress, it's purple and all icky, I hate clothes but I know Hylians love them, especially Hylian men when women dress all pretty. Shoving the thing on, I ripped the edges, not like I care anyway. Rushing to the market I waited patiently for Link to show up, second dates are always better than the first! Not long waiting and there he was! That dreamy, cute, hot, handsome, amazing, wonderful, Link…all my Link! Where was I? Ah, I headed to the shooting gallery and stood in the door, I think he saw me (squeal). That was the best date ever! Shame that brat Zelda had to interrupt my swooning, screaming to be mugged or something, she always wants what she can't have. Seeing Link coming out I decided to leave for now, don't want to come on too strong do I?

Smiling, Ruto.

Dear Diary

I am so mad at myself, I got up at 5:01AM! That's one wasted minute of work! I scolded myself by whacking myself in the face with a pitchfork ten times, it woke me up real good yep. So I got on and did all my chores as usual, the cuccos tried to kill me while one of the cows head butted me across the barn, haha such fun! I do love them so much. My face lights up with joy every time I see them. After lunch I had the awesome job of mowing the field, dad broke the mower so I had to use a pair of pliers to cut the whole thing blade of grass by blade of grass! Only took twelve hours, record timing! I am so tired now, I think I'll just….fall asleep….right here…zzzz

Zzzzz, Malon.

Dear book that I like writing in.

Today was an odd day in Goron City. Woke up to a group of angered Gorons with burning sticks claiming that I'd eaten their friend ElGoro. I'd love to know who saw me, when I find out I'll eat them too! Erm yes….I didn't just write that. Moving swiftly on, Saria popped in soon after, I was surprised to see her out of the forest but she's such a cutie and her music is so contagious! I joined in the chants to make her our queen but she didn't accept…oh well….I guess I must go on leading us!

Bored as a rock, Darunia.

Dear Diary

I am very angry, excuse me if I make some gashes with my blade in these simple lined pages. The princess refused to wear her plain dress into the market today, she threw it in my face and ran out of the room screaming something about muggings and excitement. To relieve my annoyance I had a spar with a few of the knights, broke one man's neck, no wonder we get less requests to join our army every year. I then proceeded to smash one of the castle windows with a badly timed swing of my sword, I'll just blame it on Zelda, she wants excitement she'll get it in the form of her raging father.

Impa.

Hey Diary

It's me Nabooru, well, of course it is since you are my diary. Today was as boring as watching somebody watching paint dry. We had our annual sand convention right here in the valley. It's when people from all around bring boxes of sand and we sit with magnifying glasses inspecting each grain thoroughly and supposedly having 'fun'. Bleh, fun my shoe. To liven things up, I chucked one box on some random girl's head, hahaha I am so bad, the big bad beautiful Nabooru! Yeah that's me! Later on, I had a go at the horseback archery, I found out it is actually possible to use your bow with your butt, I'll remember that for future entertainment.

Very entertained, Nabooru.

Dear…what shall I name you dear friend? Moreece? Yes!

So, Moreece I spent yet another day floating around in this void. I suppose all of this free time does give me a chance to ponder over life. Questions like, what is Nabooru's pant size? What would that Zora princess really taste like fried? How do they make those cookies taste so darn good? So many questions…so little answers…

Thoughtfully, Ganondorf.


	3. Day 3

Dear Diary

I'm writing this from a top secret location in the castle, ok, maybe behind a plant pot isn't exactly top secret but it's the best hiding place I have right now. Impa is still mad, and I mean reeeeally mad, I think she wants my head on her wall! Father gave me a right telling off last night about some broken window or something, I had no idea what he was on about but he made me clean one of the castle walls by hand with a scrubbing brush, it's so clean now that you could eat your dinner off it!…If you wanted to try eating in that position. Before all of this insanity, I spent the morning tucked up in my bed watching some new popular show on tv. A handsome hero goes off to save the land when a princess calls him, they then end up making out at the end of every episode. Tsk, such a cliché! Who in the real world expects that to ever happen? I need to stop now, Impa is coming down the corridor with a nasty looking fork in her hand.

Later, Zelda.

Dear Diary

I hate that running man! This morning I snuck into the castle and stole a lot of rupees from under Zelda's bed. What? She said she wanted to be mugged, being robbed must be the next best thing. She was so busy watching some kissy kissy rubbish she didn't even notice. Anyway, I went to the market to buy the latest model of footwear, the Ultimate Amazing Rocket Powered Sneakers! Must be a new fad shipped in from Termina. Strapping those babies on I headed into the field and there he was, running as usual. Makes me sick. "How dare you…run!" I spontaneously yelled, asking him to race me he gladly accepted. The race began, clicking the little button on the side of the boots, they sent me whizzing across the field faster than a….very fast thing! I reached the forest entrance but couldn't turn to go into the path that led to the big hollow tree, so instead I went smashing straight through the wall, flew over a few trees and landed with a crash on the bridge. Looking up I saw him, there, one second ahead of me! Taking off one of my boots, I whacked him over the head with it. Haha take that cheater! I've rambled on too much I think.

Blah, Link.

Dear Diary

I don't know if today was good or bad, one thing I do know is that I'm scarred for life. I got up this morning, slid out of bed, usual thing you know? Opened my door and there was Mido with a single red rose in his hand. Smiling, I gently took it, thanked him and placed it calmly in a vase on my table. I then returned to the door with my diary in hand and slammed it over his head. Link's advice did come in handy after all. After Mido left with a goofy grin on his face, I needed to talk to the Deku Sprout about my ability to now leave the forest and why he never thought to tell me. When I entered his meadow I got the shock of my life, he and his elder self were gone! The entire area was empty. Suddenly I heard a voice behind me, I span around and there was a boy about my height, he had tan skin, dark eyes and brown hair. Moving closer to me, he smiled and said, "hello Saria, it's me, the Deku Sprout." I was utterly gob-smacked, what was he playing at? "I wished to the Goddesses to be changed into a boy because if I must tell the truth, I'm crazy about you. I never told you about your ability to leave since I wanted you to stay in the forest with me." Before I could say or do anything, he kissed me! My first proper kiss and it was with a tree! I'm hiding in the temple right now since I don't want to be in the village with that tree-boy thing or Mido.

Freaked out, Saria.

Dear Diary

Today was dull. Father made me go to Lon Lon Ranch to get some milk. You'd think us Zoras would drink water wouldn't you? Hah, you're so wrong! We could never drink what we swim in, eeew, Zora cooties! I told him he should go himself but he spouted off some nonsense about needing to stay in the domain. In my professional opinion he's just plain lazy! In all of my short life I don't think I've ever seen him even move from that ledge! I used to use him as a bouncy castle in my younger years, fun times. I guess going to the ranch was a chance to see if my Linky was there, I could arrange our next date! So off I strolled. Swimming down the stream was the easy part but then there was the field. The sun was blazing down, I swear my father wanted me to fry so he can eat me probably, I wonder if he did this to mother… Finally, I reached the ranch, I saw Malon dancing in a circle with some horses and cuccos, she's a bizarre girl. Father told me to wait for someone to come help me collect the milk crate so here I sit writing in you. Not much else to say at the moment.

Impatiently waiting, Ruto.

Dear Diary

I had such a swell time today. I got up and did my usual million chores, including fixing a hole in the house roof and waxing Mr. Ingo's legs…yeah, let's never speak of that again. I love animals, they're so friendly and fun and friendly…oh! I got attacked by a big scary bug today so I got a shovel and squished it hard into the ground! Die evil bug! What was I saying? Oh yeah, I love all animals, if I saw anyone hurting them I'd go crazy. When lunch was over I thought to myself, why not have an animal dance? I ran into the field and began singing cheesy songs, love and happiness for all! I put all the animals in a circle, holding the wings of two cuccos next to me I proceeded to sway back and forth to my tune. I heard Mr. Ingo mumbling about animal cruelty but I ignored it! Princess Ruto then popped in for her milk, she said she had to wait for someone to come help her carry it. She fell asleep for a bit, I heard her sleep-talking about Link, she kept telling him to stop and giggling, it was scary. I think she's still outside, oh well.

Mooing out, Malon.

Dear inedible object

We had our annual Goron concert today. Every year we act out the building of Death Mountain. A group of skilled Goron actors clamber on top of each other to create the mountain then stay like that for two whole hours! Such an epic tale, I clapped until my hands bled, which is quite a feat for a Goron. Not many people turned up to see it this year, actually, not many people ever turn up to see it, their loss if you ask me. I sent out invitations to a few of my closest friends. Link said he was busy washing his hair, Zelda used the excuse that she was scrubbing one of the castle walls, which is such a lie since no father would make their daughter do that, Saria didn't give a reason but did send a massive box of homemade muffins and a single red rose so she's excused and Ruto, well, she never replied, too busy planning her next date with Link I assume. I'll get them all next year, you'll see!

Rolling away, Darunia

Dear Diary

I spent my day wandering around the castle looking for Zelda, I had to crack a smile when her father gave her the yelling of a life time. I wasn't aware that the window was actually a one of a kind stained glass window portrait of his late wife and the man who made it had also passed on. Continuing my search for that princess I stumbled into a quiet corridor. Sniffing the air, I could smell her, closing my eyes, I could hear her blinking! She's down here alright. Now for the waiting game, she'll get bored eventually and slither out from her hiding place. I'll just sit here writing in this diary and knitting bunny socks with my fork.

Impa

Hiya Diary

Nabooru again. Life in the desert can be pretty eventful sometimes. I showed off my new butt trick to some of the girls earlier, they were very impressed and were proud to have me as their leader. I showed one of my friends how to actually do it, this ended with her bow stuck in a very awkward position, she had to be taken to the emergency room, I hope she can still have kids. Later on I had to take my weekly exercise class, I make a group of the girls run ten laps around the fortress, into the Haunted Wasteland twice then they must climb the wooden post near the fortress and sing a verse of our national anthem in the Goron language. I oversee all of this while eating a chocolate ice cream with extra sprinkles. Mmm I do love this part of the week.

Happily, Nabooru.

Dear Moreece

Hello Moreece, how are you today? I see, did you take a shower? You smell lovely. What's that? Oh, thank you, yes I did comb my hair, it's all shiny and neat. I'd like to agree with you Moreece but the weather here is somewhat boring. Yes I know it was my own fault that I'm here. Yes I know what I did! Yes I get the point! Gosh, Moreece stop looking at me like that! I'm going to stop talking to you for now, you're being unreasonable.

Ganondorf.


	4. Day 4

Dear Diary

I used to play dress up as kid all the time so I thought I'd go relive my childhood. Going up to my room, I opened my massive wardrobe, have clothes for every occasion in there. Turning on my CD player full blast I donned a skimpy blue dress I bought for…personal reasons. Pulling out a pink scarf, I threw it around my neck, grabbed some sunglasses and I was ready to party like it was 1999! Jumping on the bed I began to bounce about on it, I felt so alive as I sang in a high pitched tone to whatever song was on. Bouncing harder and harder, I didn't notice the floor was starting to crack. A moment later, myself and the bed went crashing through the floor and just my luck, the room underneath was the dining room where Father was holding a very important meeting with Nabooru. The bed fell right on the long table, I thought my singing was loud but it was nothing compared to my father's screaming. I wonder what punishment he has in store for me this time, can't be worse than cleaning the wall right?

Wondering, Zelda.

Dear Diary

Decided to take a trip to the forest today, it's always nice to see my dear friends, their bright smiles when they see me, their happiness, the way they run and hug me…wait…this isn't my dream world! Taking out my trusty ocarina I played Saria's song to find out what she was up to, this was the reply I received. "Hello Link, this is Princess Ruto, I want your body!" I screamed and tossed my ocarina onto the floor in terror. A stream of insane laughter screeched out of the instrument, picking it back up I was not amused at Saria's mean joke, Ruto is scary TT. I was nearly at the Kokiri village when I got ambushed by that giant pest of an owl. For the next five minutes all I heard was, "ramble ramble ramble teabag, spoon, apple-pie, ramble deku sprout crazy over Saria, ramble spit. Would you like me to repeat myself?" I was half asleep so said yeah instead of no! I wanted to bash myself over the head, many times. "Blah blah blah blah, yes or no?" I yelled no then ran for my life into the village. Entering, I got another shock. Saria was being carried around by a group of Gorons chanting for her to become their queen. I'll wait in this tiny corner until they go away.

Link.

Dear Diary

I stayed in the temple all night, maybe I'll live in here forever, until they find me, then I'll go on the run, I hear the circus is a good place to start, unless Ruto has gotten there before me. I can see it now, naked fish girl target practice, hit her nose get your money back, hit those circles on the side of her head and win a small prize, knock her head off and take it all! With Ruto on the brain…ew, that's a nasty experience. With her in mind I was contacted by Link, I couldn't resist having a joke with him, I'm surprised he bought it. Realising I had to get back to my house, I sighed and walked back to the village. On my way a group of Gorons surrounded me, grabbing me and carrying me into the village they kept begging me to be their queen again. That circus idea is becoming more and more enticing.

Save me, Saria.

Dear Diary

I did some cooking today, I made a cake! I've never baked anything in my life, or made anything ever for that matter. First I needed to clean the kitchen cupboard, with one quick sweep with my arm everything was gone! Ok it was on the floor but it was still gone from my sight! A guard came in to give me a message from my father, but he slipped on the stuff on the floor and fell head first into the conveniently open oven, not my fault if he can't keep his balance is it? Shoving the rest of him in, I turned the knobs up to full power, yeah baby, power! Feel the burning power of the heat! Power of power! Hahaha…ahaha…ha…what was I laughing about? Finding a mixing bowl I started chucking in random ingredients, fish, rocks, Zelda, octorok. Heh, I was joking about the Zelda thing….she'll get her turn…someday. Finding the mixer, I placed it neatly in the bowl, power on! The mixture went flying all over the room, oh well, someone will clean it up, or slip on it, it doesn't matter to me! Suddenly, the oven made a cheery ding noise, yay the food was done! Flinging the door open it revealed a lovely tender Zora, mmm Zora…drool… Darunia isn't the only one who likes to feast on his own kind now and again. Hmm, not much of a cake but it looks yummy, I shall leave it cool then return to get it later.

Amazing cook, Ruto.

Dear Diary

Life can be so cruel sometimes. Today started off as usual, chores, more chores, extra super chores with sugar on top. I've always had this crazy dream that one day this amazing knight in shining armour would come and sweep me off my feet, I was beginning to lose all hope, but then, he arrived. I was in the field painting the horses so they all look the same colour, maybe Mr. Ingo has a point with the animal cruelty comment…nah. Anyway, I was busy doing that when this person clad entirely in shining armour arrived at the ranch on a large white horse. Was this my day? Had he come for me? Pausing in my work, I hurried over to greet him, he said he had come for some milk, gah, who comes to a ranch for that? But I guess it's my job to sell it so I asked if he could remove his visor so I knew who I was dealing with. He slowly removed it, the suspense was killing me, what handsome features could lay under that shining exterior? It came off…to reveal… "Tingle is here!" My mouth opened but no scream came out, I was that horrified. Tipping over the paint can I ran for the house, slamming the door I zoomed upstairs and moved the cupboard in front of the bedroom door. There is no way I'm leaving until that…thing has gone!

Scared, Malon.

Dear lined paper

Goron City is such a fun but mean place to be. We had a singing contest today. I myself entered of course, I asked the costume manager to set me up with something hip and cool, he had a funny look on his face but agreed. When it was time to get ready I hurried into the dressing room to find….a sparkling pink dress with a blonde wig. I was disgusted, there must have been a mix up! The manager insisted it was the only thing in my size, was he calling me fat? Putting the dress on, I sighed, then noticed the lipstick on my dresser, the manager said I needed to get into the mood properly. Ugh, I hate him. Moving out onto the stage each of us were given scripts of what song we would sing. When I received mine I scanned over it then gasped. Man I feel like a…what? Woman! I was not singing that! Shoving the paper in the manager's face I growled, he tried to make me do it but I told him straight. "You'll be the one feeling like a woman when I cut off your private parts!" Flipping my blonde hair, I left the stage. How dare they make fun of me.

Annoyed, Darunia.

Dear Diary

In the end I woke up in that corridor with one of my socks stuffed in my mouth, how could I fail, I'm a trained warrior! My mood simmered down after a few hours anyway, which is good since today the king had a meeting with Nabooru in the dining room. Knowing Zelda was in her room, I offered to help him get things ready. When Nabooru arrived, she and the king sat by the dining table as I stood quietly by the door. Things seemed to be going well until loud music started blaring from the room above. Zelda was singing awfully along to her music, it sounded like a choir of cats with hot pokers shoved up their backsides. This wasn't the worst part. The ceiling began to shake, before we knew it, Zelda and her bed came crashing down onto the table. The king yelled so loudly that his wine glass broke. My my, such a day.

Impa.

Sup Diary?

Man, today was wild. I had to go to a meeting in Hyrule castle. Firstly, I had to decide how to travel there, should I take a horse or get my finest warriors to carry me on a chair while fanning me and feeding me chocolate covered strawberries? I went with the horse since no one would make me a chair, I want a chair damn you! And I want gold tassels on it!. When I finally arrived at the castle, I was told to wait in the hall, never prepared, tsk tsk. I glanced around the hall walls, some nice paintings were there…very nice. Scooting over to one, I slid it off the wall and stuffed it in my pants, yes they do carry a lot, some people have lost their lives in there. The meeting started ok, until Zelda came crashing through the ceiling landing on the table. I asked if she was the main course? What? I was hungry…sheesh. Had to leave after that since the king went ballistic, my ears were nearly bleeding.

Hungry, Nabooru.

Dear Moreece.

Good evening Moreece. Are you feeling calmer today? Ah that is nice to know. What did I do today? Not much, just thought about what would have happened if I'd done things differently. You and I could've been rulers of Hyrule together, we would've made an excellent team. Hmm, you're right, you aren't much of a people person are you, such a shame. If I ever get out of here I'll take you to see all the sights, we'll go shopping in the market, dance under the moonlight and have picnics at Lake Hylia. I can't wait!

Ganondorf.


	5. Day 5

A/N: A few people have suggested I do some other diaries too so I've decided to do a bonus entry at the end, it will be a different person each chapter just to add some variety. Some will be from Hyrule, some Termina, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the films that you may recognise in this chapter.

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Dear Diary 

Today was uh…weird. Father woke me up at the crack of dawn mumbling something about needing to teach me about the kingdom. What can he teach me that tv already hasn't? Shoving on some clothes I found on the floor (why they were on the floor I'll never know, Impa needs to be disciplined some more!) Anyway, exiting my room, Father led me up to the castle roof. We sat quietly overlooking the kingdom in the early morning sun, if this was my punishment Father was finally losing his touch. He started talking, "Zelda, everything the light touches is our kingdom, blah blah blah, something about shadows and darkness, blah Triforce." Catching only half of that, I decided to ask something to show interest. My question was, "What about that sandy place over there?" He replied by telling me I must never go there. Ha, too late for that daddy dearest, I go there every summer! Best place for a tan. I was about to hurry back inside when he informed me of my punishment. I must dance on a float in the market carnival tomorrow….eep.

Scared, Zelda

Dear Diary

I decided not to go beg for food at the castle today. Instead I went to this new place in the market. It was called Mouth in Foot or Foot of Mouth, something weird like that. Sitting at a table, I browsed the menu. Out of the corner of my eye I swore I could see a flash of blue hiding amongst the plants in one corner. Shrugging it off, I looked at the menu again. After awhile of thinking I chose a fancy looking dish called 'Food de la plate'. It had a picture of a plate with food on it! Looked so amazing I simply had to try it. The wait for the dish wasn't very long which pleased me greatly. Lifting up the silver lid I gasped in horror. On the plate was a blade of grass and a dusty rock. Rushing over to the waiter I asked what was going on. His reply was, "you ordered a plate with food on, you were given a plate with food on, just not food you might normally eat." Going back to my table, I noticed my food had gone. Thinking it best to leave, I headed for the door. On the way, I heard munching sounds coming from within the plants. Oh well, plenty more grass and rocks out in the field!

Later, Link

Dear Diary

I had to continue my constant hiding today. After I finally managed to make the Gorons go home, I never knew throwing a rock for them to chase would be the answer to that problem. Anyway, this morning I poked my head out of my house, turning left I saw Mido ready to pounce on me. Looking right, I saw the Deku boy…um..sprout? Thing! There was no way out, or was there? Taking a deep breath, I took a single step outside my door. Immediately, both boys charged towards me yelling my name. Just as they were about to reach me, I stepped back inside causing them to smack face first into each other. I hope they enjoyed their passionate kiss, Mido has always had a crush on the Deku Sprout, I hope I helped them both find true love. Re-entering my house, I realised something. If Kokiri can't read, why are there signs all over the village? Is it a devilish plot to make people think they can read? Or can they really? If so I must hide you now, hide you away! If anyone found this and read that my secret identity is Batman I don't know what I'd do. Oh wait…I'm not Batman, there goes my excitement.

Bored, Saria

Dear Diary

After the traumatic experience with Tingle, I managed to leave my room this morning to do my chores. One of them was to hand-make a new rug for the living room since Mr. Ingo ate the old one, don't ask how, it's something to do with his medication. Finishing up, I strolled into the field to do some midmorning singing. I sang some song about blue skies being over rainbows. In the middle, a strange woman rode into the ranch on a bike and tried to steal Epona! I wasn't going to let her do that! Grabbing a pitchfork, I ran like the speed of a banana over to her. Ramming the fork into her bike wheel, I cackled when it flew off. Hahaha! A win for the farm girls! She ran off crying, tsk tsk, knows not to mess with me now doesn't she? Bouncing back into the house, I did a victory dance on the new rug, ripping it --'. I'll just say Ingo got peckish again, no one will ever know.

A winner is me, Malon

Dear Diary

Today was great! Apart from being thrown out of the domain for a day, it's not my fault every single Zora got food poisoning from my cake! Moving on, I had another Link with date! Uh...I mean date with Link! I'm so hyper I'm mixing my words! I'm starting to lose count of all our wonderful dates now, it must be love. So anyway, I was in my usual hiding place in the market when I saw him walking, oh, how he walks so fine! Meh, now I'm getting drool on the paper. Watching his movements, I noticed he went into the new restaurant. Waiting for him to enter, I quickly followed, any chance for another date! Slipping behind a plant pot, I made myself comfy as I watched him order for us, he's so kind to do that! When his food arrived his expression changed from happy to angry. Seeing him go off to talk to the waiter, I took my chance. If he wasn't pleased with his food, I'd do the act of a good future wife and help him with it. Snatching the plate from the table, I dived back into the plants to munch on it. Mmm food Link nearly touched, gaaah I'm drooling again. Better go dry these pages.

Drying you, Ruto

Dear anything but a diary

A group of Gorons ran into the city chasing a rock today, I don't know where they got it but I took it from them. They didn't question my decision, just cowered in fear at my feet. Ah, such good followers. Going into the shop I screamed when the keeper said we were all out of rocks. Cracking my knuckles, I took matters into my own hands instead of crying to Link this time. Rolling down to the cavern, I bravely entered. Inside was silent, looking around I noticed large footprints in the dirt. If that dodongo was back I'd be having words with it! Hurrying to the lava room, I saw the beast, eating my, I mean, OUR rocks! Not wanting to settle for this any longer, I did what any true Goron would do; I ate it! Man, did I burp loud after that. And you know what? If Volvagia tries to take my people again, I'll eat him too!

Satisfied, Darunia

Dear Diary

The king has given me a rather interesting task. I must make Zelda a costume for tomorrow's carnival. She has to…hahaha...has to…hahaha…has to dance on a float! Hahahah! I'm banging my fists on the table here! That will be good, oh my, I think my face is cracking from all this…laughing? Is that what you call it? Yes, well, have to control myself. Now, the costume, hmm I had to think long and hard about it, something that yells 'punishment' all over it. I came to the conclusion that a Princess Ruto costume would be perfect. Luckily, the market had some metal strips left over, so I easily put a little something together. Digging through the trash, I found a large round hat and some dart boards. Perfect. This is going to be the greatest carnival ever! Excuse me while I go off and die laughing.

Laughing, Impa

Heylo Diary

Nabooru yet again, getting bored of me yet? Well tough! I had the best day. Oh man, what a day. I decided to chill out in my room with some awesome rock music! I was totally head banging to the beat for ages until someone came in and interrupted me. The cheek of it all! Opening the door, they told me some royalty from a far away country had come to make alliances with us, apparently it had taken them two weeks to travel here. I told them to shove off, this is my private time losers! Besides, I think the Gerudo race should turn into a massive rock band. Ganondorf's head would make a wicked drum!

Carefully planning, Nabooru

Hello Moreece

It's good to talk to you Moreece, I know we don't always get on but you really are my best friend. What? You thought Nabooru was? Well, she was, but I think the whole letting my mothers brainwash and nearly kill her thing turned her off me, just a little. Yes, I know you'd never be weak enough to be brainwashed Moreece. Huh? You want to brainwash me? Why you! I ought to tear you in two! Don't tell me I wouldn't have anyone to talk to! There's plenty of people around here, don't you see them? Maybe they're hiding from you since they don't like you! Oh shut up and get out of my sight.

Ganondorf.

Dear Diary

Hi it's me. I really needed to get one of these things. My grandmother is driving me insane! I spent about 5 hours making her dinner, spent another 4 hours walking to her room but when I got there she kept rambling on about my dad and told me my food sucks! Taking yet another 12 hours to get back to the kitchen, I tossed the food aside to go deal with new guests. We got a strange looking teapot person and someone with a machine gun dropped by. The guy with the gun told me to hand over all the money or I'll get my pretty little head blown off. I dealt with him by jump-kicking him where the sun doesn't shine then slamming his head in the cash register over and over. Throwing him out the door, I gradually made my merry way back to the counter, plastered a smile on my face and told everyone to please relax.

Anju


	6. Day 6

Dea…fsdf…………sdfsdgfdfgdfgdfgdfgdfg……dfgdfgdfgdf…Okay the pen is working now, Dear Diary

The carnival was ..eh….read for yourself. I woke up with a killer headache this morning, who knew banging your head against a stone wall for an hour straight would do that? Did you? If you did, how dare you not tell me! Impa should have informed me of that, I'll have her spanked for this, spanked by Terminian swamp monkeys in frilly dresses! I don't care if I'm not royalty in Termina, I'll soon correct that, hahaaha! I'm not really laughing by the way, it just looks good on paper. Sigh…the carnival was a disaster. Not only was I forced to dress as Ruto but I ended up being attacked by the real thing. She literally flung herself at me from the crowds insisting that I was pretending to be her to attract Link's attention. Yes, I dressed up as you Ruto to make Link like me, now it all makes perfect sense.

Tired, Zelda.

Dear Diary

There was a big carnival in town today, I thought it sounded fun so I went along. As soon as I got there I wished I hadn't since my worst nightmare came true. There were two Princess Rutos! One was bad enough but did the Goddesses have to be so cruel and make another? One of the clones was dancing awfully on top of a Teletubbies float when the other leapt on from the crowds and started whacking her with a….fish in a bottle? I can understand the fish part, but why was it in a bottle? Beats me. Suddenly the bottle flew from one of the Ruto's grasps and landed in an open drain, bye bye bottle. The Ruto who had dropped it looked pretty upset, maybe it was a precious family heirloom or something. Not much else happened after that, I think I passed out from shock.

Still unconscious, Link

Dear Diary

This isn't Saria, it's her boyfriend...uh I mean…soon to be boyfriend Mido! I stole her diary when she was sleeping, heh I knew those sleeping tablets I put in her drinks would pay off. I was reading through some of her diary (yes I can read! How could she insult me and say I couldn't?). I can write too! See? I'm writing right now! R I G H T N O W! I don't know why she hasn't mentioned me to you more. I am the most amazing, brilliant, bravest Kokiri there is. Only yesterday I fought off an army of ants from my house, I thought I was going to be killed in there! That Dweeby Deku Sprout tried to impress Saria by cutting her grass. Hah, I'll do more than that. I'll clean her entire house! Let me just go move her bed with her in it outside, I'm sure she won't mind.

Busy, Saria's true love.

Dear Diary

Arrrgggghhhh! I want to tear something to pieces until there's nothing more to tear! I want to slap someone in the face until they have no face left to slap! I want to yell and scream until every glass object in Hyrule is broken! You get the idea. Today was terrible. First, my dear father got zapped into a tiny fish by some strange force, I think it was that shady looking frying pan in the kitchen but we don't know yet. Putting him in a bottle, I decided to take a walk into the market to try and find a cure. Entering the market, I found they were having a carnival. A carnival, without me! The awesomeness of Princess Ruto Aurora Borealis Dora Flora Zora should ALWAYS be on the VIP (Very Important Princess) list when planning events like this! Then I saw the reason why I hadn't been informed of this thing. Zelda was on a rather ridiculous float dancing like a maniac dressed as me! Me! She obviously wanted my beautiful body to impress Link with! Not allowing such an act, I flung myself at her and whacked her with my bottle which unfortunately flew from my hands. Watching my father roll into a drain, I screamed with rage. Daddy!

Anxious, Ruto.

Dear Diary

Moo, this is Malon's cow Lola, I like grass and uh…grass. If you think a cow can write you are silly! Lola is too busy working on her new novel to write in here anyway, it's going to be called The Sound of Moosic…ha...ha…ha… This morning started just like any other day, apart from the house exploding…not something that usually happens. Dad slept through it all and Mr. Ingo was too busy moaning and eating carpet to notice so I had to rebuild it myself. Only took the best part of fourteen hours and I really wanted to go to the carnival too. From what I heard though it was a big disaster. Maybe we should have our own here…tea party carnival yay!

Malon out.

Dear pages.

Why were the Gorons not invited to the carnival? My sworn brother the king will have some explaining to do when I go there later this week. Us Gorons should be treated with respect! What are we going there for you ask? Well the king wanted some extra bowling balls for the bowling contest, so I accepted. Yes, as I was saying, respect! Gorons helped create a lot of the buildings in this kingdom, I'm sure some of my ancestors are actually part of the Hyrule Castle brickwork; such brave honourable souls. To cool off from my temper, I went to my room, locked the door and put on my face pack. Ah such lovely bliss.

Peacefully, Darunia.

Dear Diary

I've been reminiscing about my childhood today. I used to be such a warrior, such a striking woman. Men and even women used to ask me out, all of them wanted a piece of me. They used to call me Impules back in the day, you know? I could break steel with my bare teeth and crush a Goron between my thighs. Now look at me, a shadow of who I used to be. Living in a castle pampering a crazy princess, knitting with forks, making strange suits, breaking windows…um….no, that wasn't me. I offered to cook lunch today since everyone wanted to go to the carnival, I did too but thought it best not to in case I kill myself laughing at Zelda. Must keep my stern image up you see. I hope everyone will enjoy my peppermint surprise….mm, peppery.

Impa.

Dear Diary

We had a work survey in the valley today. Everyone had to take it home and fill it in. I found it very odd. One of the questions was 'How far do you travel to work?' What the crap are they on? How far? All the way of course! Not halfway, the whole way! Sometimes I might only go quarter of the way then stop for a bathroom break but usually it's aaaalll the way. Another question was 'What do you do at your workplace?' Hmm, well, sometimes I get brainwashed by insane witches, while others, I let little kids run around my temple getting what I want as I stand looking cool by the door. Oh, I forgot, that all happened on the same day, wow that was a busy week, I didn't even get a chance to do my laundry. I wonder what the others put on their surveys…

Wondering, Nabooru.

Hello Moreece.

I have the perfect plan to get us out of here. What? You don't want to hear it since you're making your own ingenious plan that will not only get us out of here but will also enable us to take over Hyrule? Pfft, I don't want to hear it! Mine is probably better. I thought why not just use the Triforce of Power, ToP as the 'in' kids say. I'll use it to overpower the Sages' puny powers! Mwahahaha! Ok, wait there as I power up my hand………………………………...Bah! This thing isn't working! The batteries must be dead, stupid Zelda must have taken them out and I didn't bring my charger! I guess world domination will have to wait for another day.

Ganondorf.

Dear Diary

I flew around Hyrule field today on a strong breeze. Ah, the wind is so nice, it makes it easier for me to get around. Didn't see much, only that Zora Princess in a huff carrying a weird fish in a bottle. Then there was a massive explosion at the ranch, I think Malon must've been cooking again, tsk tsk, she'll never learn that you don't put a bombchu in the oven to heat overnight. Twirling over to the market, I narrowly dodged being eaten by a peahat, those things are vicious beasts! Entering the market, I was upset when the wind died down. Landing on the floor in a heap, I screamed as people trod on my head! Over and over, aaahh the agony! Why Nayru? Why!

A blade of Hyrule Field grass.


	7. Day 7

A/N: I'd like to wish Hylian Lemon a Happy Birthday. Sweeeet sixteeeen! Ok, I'm done.

* * *

Dear Diary 

This place is safe, yes here beneath my bed sheets, away from the light! That blasted sun, tanning my pale elegant feminine skin! Doesn't it know I'm the princess of Hyrule? It should listen to me and leave, this world isn't big enough for the both of us. Impa just came in and tried to get me to go outside, I hissed and told her I was planning to take over the world so if she could fetch me a coffee in half an hour that would be great. She rolled her eyes and left, bahaha! She thought I was joking! But no, I really will take over Hyrule. What's that brain? I'm the princess so of course I'll take over Hyrule someday? Blasphemy! You'll be telling me Ganondorf is my long lost brother next. What if he really is? I wonder if he can help me…..yes, I'll ask brother dearest if he can, who cares if we sealed him away? I shall release him! Now, where's my coffee!? A croissant would be nice too, extra butter!

Excited, Zelda

Dear Diary

I realised I needed a way to make money, stealing from Zelda didn't work today, when I got to her window I found it was locked and there was odd chanting coming from within. She must be rehearsing a speech or cult meeting. I wish I had a cult, we'd eat packets of sugar and tell each other girlie stories about our crushes! Oooo that Darunia is so cute, and King Zora, what a dish! (Insert high-pitched girlish scream here). So, I decided I'd make a tourist shop in the middle of Hyrule Field! I have lots of junk in my house so I'm sure there are some idiots who will purchase something. I didn't find many things of interest though, just Saria in my bed, I don't think I can sell her…for much, ouch! She's reading this as I write! Now she's laughing because I wrote Darunia is cute, like she doesn't think that too! Um, not that I do anyway…I'm going to stop now.

Embarrassed, Link.

Dear Diary

This isn't Saria, again, haha! I saw Mido put her diary down when he was 'cleaning' her house so I stole it. How could she forget my name!? Girl with the bunches? The cheek of it all! If it wasn't for her, I would be the Forest Sage and Link's best friend! But oh no, Nintendo had to chuck me aside after the beta game! And look at them reusing my name over and over, I'm the original Fado, I was first! They just forgot to put my name in the game at all, it's so insulting, I'll be calling my lawyers over this! Wait….what's a lawyer? And what's Nintendo? Who am I again? Oh yeah, the girl with the bunches…

Upset, Fado, or better known as Girl with bunches. Miss Bunches to you!

Dear Diary

This is Ruto's pet fish, Boris. She keeps me In a bowl by her bed, Achoo! Excuse me, I'm allergic to water, it makes me sneeze….every….every…achoo! Few minutes. I'm a fish of many talents as you can see, I can write and my memory isn't short. Being here in this bowl, I see lots of interesting things. Achoo! Just yesterday, the diving game owner and the Zora who runs the shop came in here when Ruto was out and did….things! I'm hoping for amnesia after what I saw but what's a fish to do, eh? Here's something I bet no one knows, when she's bored, Ruto takes me out of my bowl and practices kissing, on me! Blargh, just the memory of her wet, oily lips on mine makes me want to throw up, achoo! She's such a-a fish! Maybe if I annoy her enough she'll throw me down the toilet, or I'll jump myself, whichever comes first.

Achoo, Boris

Dear Diary

Today was groovy! I started my animal fitness club. First up were the cuccos, I made a little chant so it would be easier for them to get into the routine. And a one and two and three and cluck! And a one and two and three and cluck! Shake those wings girls! Ah, nothing like a good cluck in the morning! I was going to move onto the horses, but Mr. Ingo started moaning to me about not doing my chores yet. He annoys me so much sometimes! I'm fed up of being the only one to do any real work around here! Dad sleeps the days away while Mr. Moany Pants stands complaining with a rake in his hands all the time! One day I'll take that rake and shove it so far up his behind that it will come out of his mouth and make him lose his virginity in the process!

Malon

Goro Gor

G-g-g-g- goro gorn go gor goroorororon! Ahem, excuse me, was just warming up my singing voice, that was the first line of the Goron national anthem. Many brave Gorons have sung it before diving into the fires of the crater, lava snorkelling Is a popular sport up here! Anygoro, today I was tucking into a nice juicy fresh rock, when to my utter horror I found….a…a….blade of grass inside! The shock I had, I swear I nearly had a heart attack! Grass? Inside my rock? I nearly bit it, I could have died! I'll hunt down the beast who tried to poison me and stomp on them good and proper, you'll see!

Angry, Darunia

Dear Diary

I did some reminiscing today. I was thinking about my first boyfriend, yes as crazy as it sounds, even a masculine beauty such as myself has been under the spell of…love. Such divine memories, I remember the first time our eyes met across that glorious graveyard. The rain beat against my face as it soaked his fabulous brown, rotting flesh. His eyes, as empty as black holes, his hunch as amazing as a fine hill. And his voice, ooh, my heart still flutters at his high-pitched shriek of a voice, that piercing scream that caught my heart and paralysed my whole body. He stood in the open grave, slowly sliding towards me, he placed his hands and legs around me before taking a bite out of my neck, a bite of love! I'll never forget that moment, the one who was my first true love, the only man to ever tame me.

Dreamily, Impa

Dear Diary

So today I spent ten hours cooking the most amazing meal ever. I had it all lined up on my table in my room when suddenly, the food began to float around the room, luckily I managed to grab it and put it back without another thought. But then! It went off again, as you can guess, I was pretty mad by then, so I got up to chase it but found something pulled my pants off and swept out of the room with them and the food! Running outside without putting anymore pants on, I saw the food floating off across the desert being carried by my pants in the shape of a parachute! Arrggh! All of the women were giving me stares, I yelled asking if they'd never seen a half naked woman before, considering they ARE women. Or maybe they were looking at my Hello kitty tattoo on my thigh, it's not my fault if Ganondorf had a strange cat obsession and put it on me when I slept ages ago. Bah, I hate thieves who steal from thieves!

Nabooru.

Hello Moreece

I was expecting another usual day up here in the void, but it all changed when I was strolling around the fresh morning void air. I came across a strange door in the middle of nowhere, loud chanting was coming from within. Deciding I had nothing to lose, I entered, and there it was! Hyrule field! The bright colours blinded my fragile eyes as the smell of grass and Spring flowers wafted into my nostrils. Taking a breath of the air, I saw Zelda running towards me screaming brother over and over. Since when were we related? Yes, you're right Moreece, she has lost it, not like she ever had it but I'll just agree since I don't want a whipping again. But wait, if I humour our dear princess, I could get into her good books. I could take over Hyrule! The world! Mcdonalds! Aahahaha!

Free at last, Ganondorf.

Dear Diary

I can't believe I wasn't sent a diary until now. I, the mighty Sage of Light. The leader of them all! The greatest chef I the world! Ok, so Zelda might be the seventh Sage, but I was the one who was with that boy for seven long years! I was the one who watched his sleeping body, who changed his shrinking clothes, who sang calming melodies into his ears day and night! I was the one who baked over five hundred cakes in case he woke up and got peckish. Of course, I ended up eating them all myself, what? I was bored! I was a slip of a man until I ate all those cakes, now the only thing that fits me is a bathrobe, sigh, such a sad life.

Rauru.


	8. Day 8

Dear Diary

Today was... different. All I can remember is acting really weirdly then I woke up in Hyrule Field. I had this really odd dream that I somehow managed to open the void Ganondorf is being kept in and was stupid enough to let him out. Then he ran at me and knocked me out with a tatty old book! Haha, no that would never happen! Not me, the smart, pretty, amazing princess of Hyrule, letting our greatest enemy run loose throughout the kingdom. Deciding I must have been going insane, I returned to the castle, figuring it was obviously Impa who had left me out there for some kind of joke. She was always the joker, my dear Impa! One time she pushed me into Death Mountain Crater which I thought was horrible! Until she told me it was an aspect of my training, once I'd managed to claw my way out, barely alive. She didn't look very happy when she saw me. Maybe I didn't do it fast enough for her?

Anyway, after today's events, I think there's only one thing for it... a massive party! I'll invite all my friends and Ruto too I guess. Maybe Impa can play another of her jokes and accidentally push the girl into the oven, or something similar.

This is going to be great.

Zelda.

Dear Diary

My shop didn't last long, a group of monkeys and an angry blade of grass trashed the place and stole everything. Yeah, I can defeat huge scary monsters with big claws and fangs but when you put me up against blades of grass, I crumble. Good job Ganondorf wasn't some kind of flower or bush. I can still remember my first adventure... the deku babas almost ended it with their stems and... petals. Makes me shudder! I might have been seeing things but I think I saw Zelda with Ganondorf earlier. He appeared out of some kind of magical door, stood there for a moment as she ran to him then whacked her square in the face with an odd-looking book. Oh well, I know I should have gone to 'rescue' her but she reckons she's so powerful and amazing, why bother? She can handle it and save Hyrule herself this time. It probably wasn't even Ganondorf, just some actor she'd hired to amuse herself for a few hours. On another note, I also think I saw Ruto in the distance in the river earlier, it looked like she was making kissing faces at me but I can't be sure. She's so weird and scary.

See you later

Link

Dear Diary

It's Saria here again, finally. After you got passed through the hands of practically everyone I know (which isn't many people) I found you thrown into the middle of the village pond, along with a note saying 'sorri for stieling – Mido'. And he reckons he can spell? What about sorry for getting my book soaking wet! Anyway, I've decided to turn over a new leaf, although which one I haven't decided yet, there are about a million in the forest... that one over there is kinda pretty. Um yeah! So I was saying, just because my best friend hardly comes here anymore, I have a tree-boy as a stalker and... and I'll think of a third thing later, doesn't mean I have to be depressed over it. So the first thing I'm going to do is try the opposite approach and be really nice to Mido. He's been nagging me to let him take me on a date for ages so I figured what's the harm? As long as he doesn't touch me, or look directly at me... I'm sure it will be fine... and it might get the Deku Sprout away from me for a bit. Mido is slightly easier to deal with than he can be.

I suppose I should go find Mido and get this over with.

Scared

Saria.

Dear Diary

Hi! It's me, Ruto, remember? Guess what! I had a full-blown snog with Link today! I was swimming along in the river, minding my own business and enjoying a little sing-song as you do when I saw him in Hyrule Field, all attractive and manly, being attacked by clusters of grass and monkeys. I couldn't help but tread water and stare dreamily at my future husband playing with the wildlife, he's such a good person like that. Anyway, after the attackers had gone, he fell to his knees and looked right in my direction and even though I was too far away for him to see clearly in the water, our lips were directly in line with each other so I couldn't resist it, I made a kissing motion with my mouth and I swear to you, I could almost feel his lips on mine. The moment was so magical, like a modern fairy tale where the hero finally realises his love for the beautiful damsel. It won't be long before the sound of wedding bells will be ringing throughout the Water Temple, I can feel it!

So in love

Ruto

Dear Diary

Today I did some baking since we had important guests coming to the ranch to view some cattle we were hoping to sell. Things were going quite well, I was in the kitchen mixing up some cake mix with the animals when I needed to get some more stuff out of the cupboard. Turning my back for a moment, I heard something shuffle across the room followed by the sound of something being sick. Going back to the table I found a cow trying to get its face into the bowl. I guess that sick noise was in my imagination! Anyway, I threw in all my special ingredients, flour, eggs, sawdust, grated leaves, petrol... wait... no never mind, if it was in the cupboard then obviously it's ok to use and I'm sure leaves are fine to eat! When the guests arrived, I arranged the cakes on a table outside so they could have some when they wanted. It's funny really, they acted in exactly the same way Mr. Ingo did when he tried this type of cake the first time I made it. First they turned an odd shade of green, threw up all over the grass then passed out after asking if we were trying to kill them. Dad says it's just people's way of saying how much they love my cake; it's so delicious that the taste makes them pass out since they aren't used to such good food. Shame they left as soon as they woke up, and didn't even buy any cows!

Sad

Malon

Dear Dairy Product

Today in Goron City was the monthly rock harvest when we travel into the cavern to collect rocks for the winter. In our culture, Winter takes place on the third Friday of each month, the rest of the time is Summer, apart from every other Tuesday when the day is split into Autumn, Spring and Novasgorovaska, a season us Gorons celebrate when rocks are thrown by the Goddesses to us from the sky. The harvest was going fine until one poor Goron brother was sliced clean in half by a yellow eye with a laser. Grabbing my fallen brother's body, I quickly shoved it in my mouth before the other Gorons saw and became scared. Yes, it must have been a struggle to shove such tasty rock in my mouth all at once but it had to be done for the sake of my people! I wonder why that eye was in there, I'm sure I asked brother Link to take care of things in the cavern, if only he were made out of nice, smooth rock as well...

Dreaming of rocks

Darunia

Dear Diary

I've made a decision. I'm going to leave the castle and search for my one true love, surely he'll still be in the graveyard. We can live happily together in the Shadow Temple with his cousin Dead Hand and Uncle Wall Master. I packed a suitcase which included my minimal belongings of a kitchen knife, a block of wood and a cheese sandwich. Then I left a note for Zelda saying that our time together had been eventful and I hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed that I was leaving. I even managed to get my old school friend, Heidi, to take my place. She was in the army for over thirty years and now trains ninjas how to use the mystical powers of 'C' in a secret location beneath the market. She's sure to take good care of the princess. Now, like a fish in the sea, a bird in the sky, a monkey attacking Link's shop, I must go to my destiny! To my Ronald!

Going to a new life

Impa

Hello Diary

Went to the market today for the weekly shop... lift. What? I'm a thief remember! A big bad scary thief! I make children cry and grown men shake at the sound of my name. Ok, maybe not that bad but you get the idea. At the end of the day, no one in Hyrule wants to employ a Gerudo so we gotta do what we gotta do to survive. Sorry if we steal your husband but I'm sure you'll find another (better looking one) until we're done with him. Meh, men are useless anyway, just look at Ganondorf! Tried to take over the kingdom then left us to go on some holiday in a void where he can laze around all day, more than likely drinking champagne and laughing at us all. Not that I want him back, he was a royal pain. Do this, fight that, take over that village, pick my nose for me! If I ever see his scrunched up little face again I'll punch it so hard his teeth will be coming out of his neck!

Venting

Nabooru

Good day Moreece

Well, today has been fun hasn't it? As soon as we arrived back in Hyrule I knew that meddling princess would probably come out of her trance soon enough so did the first thing I could think of and whacked her across the face with you. Yes, I know, I shouldn't abuse you in that way but- What? What do you mean you'll leave me if that ever happens again, I was only- Ok, ok, fine! Sheesh, you're not very supportive sometimes, you know that? Not like my Triforce piece is working at the minute! Anyway, back to the day's events. After we were done with Zelda, I saw Link in the distance but decided to bide my time before dealing with him. I need to build alliances first, take over villages and give my nose the occasional pick for good luck. But how can this be done? Use my finger you say? Oh shut up! Venturing into the market, no one batted an eye lid at me... it's as if they didn't even know who I was! Hmm? I guess you're right, they wouldn't remember the lost years, those glorious years when I ruled over the land. Coming across a strange shop near the Temple of Time, I thought it best that we start our search there. What I didn't know is that inside that shop would be a place of terror, a place that only exists in nightmares, a place... of happiness.

Help me!

Ganondorf

Dearest Diary

I have never written down my feelings in paper form before so this will be a new experience for me. Today started out as it usually does, I went hunting in the forests for new masks for my collection. Finding a strange twig on the ground I decided it could be sold as a mask if a piece of tape was strapped to the back so the user can wear it. I will market it by saying it will bring great joy to the wearer and will fend off evil woodland spirits. Returning to my humble shop, I quickly tied some string to the twig and put it on display next to my newest additions, the Spoon Mask and Frying Pan Mask. Both were found in the castle kitchens when I went to sell my products to the princess one day a few weeks ago. It's amazing that a bit of tape can transform an everyday item into a magical mask of happiness! As the afternoon approached a customer entered. He looked somewhat lost but I was sure I could sell something to him, or get him to spread some more joy throughout the kingdom on my behalf. Diving under the counter, I took off my 'happy face' and put on my 'super happy ecstatic face' so it would put him at ease. "Welcome to the Happy Mask Shop!" I greeted as he walked over to the counter, a look of horror upon his face. Why in all of Hyrule would someone be afraid of me? I'm going to help him become as happy as my super ecstatic smile!

Happy!

The Happy Mask Salesman


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